QUESTION: I am a college student
researching a paper on the significance of role reversals within the
family unit, over the past 50 yrs. In your professional opinion what
do you feel is causing many women to assume what used to be known as
masculine roles ie. working, disciplinarian, and single rearing of children.
ANSWER: Perhaps
the devaluation of the "feminine" values of nurturing have led women
in pioneering directions for personal growth and independence. Certainly
the needs and desires of women to extend themselves into work for financial
gain is in part driven by security to have an equal "say" in the power
balance in the family.
Decision-making has traditionally been based on deferral
to the male in the family who held a "special" position due to his
moneymaking role. Recent advances in feminine theories of development
have proliferated the belief that men must give up their "privileged"
role of decision-making and accept the value of the nurturance role
in the family (male or female) as an equally powerful position if
marriage is not to be experienced as devaluing by women who shoulder
more of the caretaking responsibilities.
The "invisible" work of caretaking is just that!
It is often the case that men and women who both hold down careers
outside of the family still defer more of the running of the family
to the women. This can lead to "overload" for the woman and result
in female depression and/or divorce. In these situations, women who
divorce often report having more time to themselves and less work
to do, once divorce has forced an equalization of the work through
division of the caretaking responsibilities in the family.
It is historically true that women's development
which emphasizes the values of nurturance and caretaking is different
from male development which emphasizes (in the last 50 years) the
role of work outside of the family. Women become vulnerable to over-compromise
because they are already primed to care for others. So when they come
to the negotiating table, they are more likely to accede for the sake
of others, while men are traditionally more likely to represent their
sole interests as primary. This is one reason why mediation is often
an unequal process for women, because it focuses on what the couple
will agree to, and the woman is often more likely to compromise her
needs for those of her children, than is the man.
Naturally these are generalizations and exceptions
do abound! Particularly with the growing interest that men have in
achieving a nurturing role to their own children which may help them
forego their own needs more often for their children's sake.
The late Carl Whitaker, the founding father of family
therapy, espoused that women are the "emotional leaders" in the family.
So it is women who are more likely to see the value of raising children,
even without a partner, and of attending parenting classes which may
support their power as a nurturing AND disciplining parent ( which
every parent needs to be). And women's ability to realize their potential
and talents for other areas of work and career which lie outside of
the home is a natural human desire that blossoms once given the opportunity
and support to do so.
This is a very complex and exciting time in the development
of women in today's society. But one thing is certain. The desire
to parent remains a part of the unchanging mystery which women continue
to embrace in traditional and non-traditional forms. Perhaps Dr. Whitaker
was right! Women may be true pioneers of change in social norms of
all kinds.
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