ANSWER: The two of you are currently entertaining different visions of family. Has this always been the case? Or has there been a change of heart by one of you?

If you have both envisioned more than one child in the past, what has changed his mind? Ask your husband the reason for his trepidation about having a second child. Is he concerned about the time away from one another as a couple, or does he feel a second would curtail his career choices in some way?

If you both entertained a "wait and see" attitude about subsequent children before you became parents, what has caused you to want more, and him to want just one?

After a thorough discussion of your feelings about parenthood and how it has changed your life, consider the effects of another on your current lifestyle. Clearly you have already made room for a child. The greatest adjustment in family life is this step into parenthood, which has already taken place. Given that this irreversible change has already transformed your lives, how much more would your lives change by adding another?

Consider, too whether there are ways to adapt to children that include taking time for the couple, or being able to balance work and parenthood that have not yet occurred in these first three years. If your husband has specific complaints along these lines, are there things that could be different the next time around? For example, more household help, a regular baby-sitter or committing to regular couple's time could make a difference towards making a family of four an acceptable, shared vision or not.

If the two of you continue to have difficulty resolving this question, seek a consultation with a marriage therapist experienced in these types of family issues. A professional setting may help you explore your roles in the family and ways your relationship has changed. It is possible that your husband may be upset about couples changes he has not articulated even to himself, leaving him with a knee-jerk "no" to more children. Addressing couples issues may help break-through this impasse, one way or another.

You may also find that exploring your own childhood families with a third party will bring to light expectations and fears about having more children that need to be answered by the two of you. Having a couple of hours to focus on this important decision may be the best investment you make in your family.