QUESTION: I am in shock over the terrorist attacks in New York
City and Washington, D.C., and I'm worried about how my child will
react. What can I say to reassure her and help her understand what
this all means?
ANSWER: It is natural for your child
to feel that her sense of safety has been threatened. And you, too,
experience empathy and shock for the families of the victims of this
tragedy. Staying physically close to you may be your child's way of
coping. Your presence alone is immediately soothing, and can help
her to recover her sense of security. Use the following guidelines
and discussion to help you and your child cope through this initial
period of shock. Stay connected to loved ones during the first phase
of this shock, while information is gathered. Talk with friends, and
co-workers, but also do what you can to maintain your schedule within
reasonable parameters. Maintaining daily routine is soothing for children
and adults alike.
Establish a safe environment for talking about
feelings. Show your willingness to talk with your child about
her feelings, but do not force her to talk. She will express herself
when she is ready. Let her know you, too, are stunned and saddened.
Answer her questions honestly, but do not try to explain anything
you cannot understand yourself. Refrain from giving false promises,
"This can never happen to you," but do convey a sense that you believe
this tragedy will cause people to actively address the situation.
Be able to address or actively respond to the traumatic
event. Being witness to a crime is traumatic because the witness
was helpless to stop the crime. In a true sense, we are all witnesses
to this tragedy, and as such need to actively respond to heal. Let
her know you are deeply concerned, and will be talking with other
parents and teachers about safety and how to help those in need.
Protect children, especially young children from
repetitive, violent imagery in the media. Be careful, too, to
take breaks from news and images that overwhelm you as an adult. Take
a walk, and shut off the television. Consider turning on the radio,
rather than the television, or check in on the internet for news updates.
This allows you to control the amount of input your child is vulnerable
to in your home environment. Remember, these are traumatic pictures.
Older children will need more talking, debriefing,
but again, put limits on the amount of news input your children experience.
Do not leave older children alone in front of the television news.
Stay available to them to answer questions and reassure them. Encourage
teens to become involved in postive ways to help in the local community.
(Giving blood is one example). Seek out community forums, such as
churches and schools for emotional support at this time.
Over the next few weeks, make time to consult with
teachers, administrators and other parents. Teachers are well
aware that students use poetry and writing assignments to work through
traumatic life processes. Art, drama and music projects, as well as
community gardens, have been utilized to stablilize after and during
crisis.
Connecting with others allows us to express the
shock, pain and grief rather than repress it. Children who do
repress fear or grief initially, may experience delayed stress symptoms
later. A pattern of sleeplessness, anxiety, nightmares, or even depression
may result if overwhelming feelings have no opportunity to be released.
Encourage your child's physical, creative and artistic avenues of
expression at this time.
Practice relaxation, yoga , and other calming activities.
Your calm will benefit your child. Do what you need to help yourself
center and soothe yourself, so that you can soothe your child.
