QUESTION: I am raising two granddaughters,
whose parents are both drug addicts. How can I keep them from doing
drugs themselves? One is in primary school, and the other is beginning
middle school. I am afraid they are destined to follow their parents'
example. Are there any suggestions you can give me? I really would
like to help these girls avoid the path their parents have gone down.
ANSWER: You are raising your granddaughters
because their parents are incapacitated by their drug addictions.
Do not be shy to clarify for them the nature and devastation that
drugs can have on our minds and our bodies. You are in a powerful
role to make a difference with your grandchildren!
While you are not telling them not to love their parents,
you must be clear that both parents have made a very serious mistake
in their lives, which has hurt those around them. Be clear that it
is a mistake your granddaughters are NOT predestined to repeat! The
difference lies in drug education, available in more effective programs
for children than ever before. Do not take a fatalist approach. Instead,
challenge your granddaughters to make good and healthy choices from
the start!
Begin by teaching a healthy respect for the body.
It is never too early for drug prevention. And primary-grade children
benefit from learning to keep their bodies healthy. Teaching respect
for our bodies at an early age is a protection against drug abuse
later. What we put in our bodies should be good for us and help us
grow. At this age of development, kids are fascinated with how things
work. They want to know how their bodies operate. They are ready to
understand what happens to their bodies when drugs are ingested. Give
them the facts about drug use, and explain how anything taken to excess,
even aspirin, can be dangerous.
Point out that alcohol and tobacco use are illegal
for children, to protect their developing bodies. Use of alcohol and
tobacco will be a choice reserved for when they become adults. But
do not stop there! Help your grandchildren develop healthy coping
skills for dealing with rejection, disappointment, even failures when
they occur. And teach them alternative, healthy ways to relax and
unwind, so they will have strong coping skills when they do enter
adulthood.
Generally, when children leave primary grades, they
enter a larger, less protected school environment. Preteens are gradually
growing more independent, a process which continues through adolescence.
This is a crucial time to develop the ability to make healthy and
informed decisions about their future.
Talk to your preteen about the ways that drugs and
alcohol are promoted in the media. Use opportunities that arise, such
as song lyrics, television shows, or advertising that suggest drugs,
tobacco, or alcohol are glamorous and successful methods for coping
with life stress. For example, many television dramas (Ally McBeal,
Chicago Hope, and others) portray a generalized use of alcohol, with
professionals drinking routinely as a ritualized ending to a workday.
Point these subliminal messages out to your grandchildren, and separate
myth from reality.
Be willing to talk about their disappointments in
their own parents, but help them separate themselves from these negative
patterns. And teach them NOT to feel shame for their parents' behavior.
They cannot control the choices their parents made, but they can make
better choices for themselves! Use the Al-Anon programs in your area,
where they can talk with other young people about their parents' addictions
and separate themselves from responsibility for their parents' lives.
Regular attendance at an Al-Anon group would also provide needed emotional
support for you, too!
You are in the ideal position to make a difference.
The number-one reason children give for not taking drugs is that a
caring adult does not want them to! Children who have positive and
strong connections with a primary caretaker (grandparent, aunt, uncle,
mentor) do not want to jeopardize that relationship. It matters that
one caring adult believes in them. Given a strong relationship with
your grandchildren, the following points will help protect them from
drug abuse:
