QUESTION: How can I get parents more involved
in their daughters' athletic development? I coach my granddaughter's
softball team, and I find that girls whose parents never attend games
often develop a laissez-faire attitude that affects team morale and
performance. I get fed up with these parents and wonder why they are
not taking their daughters' lives more seriously.
ANSWER: Your observation that girls
reflect the attitude that their parents show toward their sports activities
is accurate. Sadly, gender conditioning operates in subtle but significant
ways that may discourage girls from taking their sports activities
seriously. By not showing up to a child's games, parents send the
message that this is not a very important activity. Likewise, lateness
to sports practice and absenteeism are also more common for girls,
and may be the result of lower prioritizing by parents, and in turn
by the girls themselves.
Most parents would agree that building your child's
self-esteem is in part a product of taking a respectful attitude toward
the activities in which your child chooses to engage. Why would sports
be any different? Some parents may unwittingly place their daughter's
involvement in sports as secondary to a son's sports activities or
to the girl's more traditionally "feminine" endeavors. Sports may
be seen as a "side" activity for a girl, but an important and central
part of a boy's development. Once parents understand the nature of
this problem, it will become easier for them to see how their own
behavior is a part of the solution.
Begin by educating both the parents and the players.
Require a meeting of parents and players before the season begins.
A potluck dinner at a parent's house can provide the atmosphere for
a friendly information-gathering session. Bring books on the subject
of self-esteem and the benefits of sports to girls' development. (Raising
our Athletic Daughters by Zimmerman and Reavill is a good one!) Identify
the cultural bias against girls taking sports seriously, and cite
the evidence that girls who play sports tend to avoid many of the
physical, psychological, and social pitfalls of adolescence.
It is a well-known fact that a key factor in a child's
academic learning and school performance is the involvement and expectations
of the parents. The same is true for sports. Let the parents of your
players know that their presence or absence at games makes a difference
not only in the attitude their child brings to the sport, but in the
way they play the game!
After discussing the reasons for parental participation,
clarify to parents what the expectations are for parental involvement.
Consider a point system in which parents are rewarded for coming to
all games. Perhaps you could give a parent trophy or certificate at
the close of the season at the traditional celebratory pizza night.
(Or even sanctions of extra duty for parents who miss more than a
certain number of games!) This will not prevent girls from playing
if their parents are absentee, but it will send the message to parents
that their involvement is important to their daughter's development.
It is sometimes the case that a grandparent is able
to see the bigger picture, while a parent's focus is more nearsighted.
Do not judge these parents. Instead, offer them your wisdom, not only
as a coach, but also as a grandfather!
