Birth: Letting Go
of the Fear
QUESTION: I am six months pregnant. I
am so fearful of giving birth that I even have nightmares that wake
me, crying. My mom had a very difficult, painful birth (and she told
me the story many times as I was growing up). My biggest concern is
handling the pain. I know I can't do without an epidural, but I have
heard that you can't get one until you are in active labor. How can
I let go of my fears, so I can enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy?
ANSWER: Your mother's negative experience
of your birth has set the emotional and psychological backdrop for
your own upcoming childbirth experience. Her story is one laced with
unresolved fear, panic and pain. No wonder you are afraid! Women,
like your mother, who are left with no way to process the trauma they
experienced in childbirth, continue to tell their stories in an effort
to heal. But it is imperative that you separate your own upcoming
childbirth from your mother's birth story.
It is likely that your mother's experience is a result
of a lack of realistic preparation for coping with labor and an absence
of support during labor and childbirth. You are not your mother, nor
are you helpless in preparing yourself for childbirth in a manner
more likely to make it a positive empowering experience, rather than
a negative traumatic one.
Childbirth is an event of great, often underestimated,
power. As such, it is not a neutral event. Preparing to meet the intensity
of contractions allows you to master the challenge of coping with
this aspect of life. Active preparation and involvement in labor and
childbirth is no doubt, a benefit your mother did not have available
to her when she was pregnant with you. There is no need to repeat
the mistakes of the past. Use your mother's experience as an opportunity
for learning. Take action against your fear, rather than become paralyzed
by it.
In order to resolve fear and prepare actively for
your childbirth consider the following guidelines:
-
Realistic coping skills and education
to the normal process of birth. Take classes that teach the
normal process of birth and read books that emphasize what goes
right and why, rather than focusing on what can go wrong. See my
book, "An Easier Childbirth" for stages of labor, early labor projects,
breathing, relaxation and visualization exercises for childbirth
and developing specific techniques that help you cope with healthy
pain at the height of a contraction.
-
Read stories of births that went
well, women who coped with the intensity of contractions and
were supported in the labor process, by a doula and/or their partners.
Allow yourself to take in the positive experiences women have to
balance the messages you heard growing up. This is an important
part of the healing from your mother's emotional pain around childbirth.
But do not stop there.
-
Use a body centered hypnosis and
visualization tape for resolving your fears. Create a birth
visualization on tape that you can use in preparation for labor.
Address your fears, rather than run away them. Embedding a new story
about birth in your nervous system must take place experientially
to be effective. Doing so, will calm your mind and ready you for
labor, rather than leave you a victim of your fear. This preparation
allows you to replace the negative messages embedded experientially
through the limbic system, which holds the emotional charge of your
mother's stories about childbirth. The experiential process is critical
to allowing you to separate from your mother's negative experience
and be ready for your own positive labor and childbirth.
-
Create a birth plan and assemble
your birth team. Allow yourself to be supported during this
significant life event. Choose a birth practitioner that supports
the way you want to give birth, whether you do so with an epidural
or not. Consider having a doula present who is experienced in helping
women cope with the normal and healthy intensity of labor. Prepare
with your partner for this pivotal family life event. Some of the
best anesthesia is the soothing that comes from genuine, supportive
encouragement!
Research shows that respect for the woman
during the process of labor and childbirth, and a woman's active participation
in the experience, are key contributing factors to positive feelings
of self-esteem in birthing women. (Perhaps ingredients your mother did
not have!) Addressing you fears about the birth through active education
and preparation is what will allow you to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW, PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. She trains professionals in her prenatal counseling model and is the author of An Easier Childbirth, Birthing Normally and her latest book, Making Healthy Families. Her articles on family relationships appear in professional journals and she is an oft-quoted expert in popular magazines such as Woman's Day, Mothering and Parenting. . She also serves on the advisory board for Fit Pregnancy Magazine.
Dr. Gayle Peterson has written family columns for ParentsPlace.com, igrandparents.com, the Bay Area's Parents Press newspaper and the Sierra Foothill's Family Post. She has also hosted a live radio show, "Ask Dr. Gayle" on www.ivillage.com, answering questions on family relationships and parenting. Dr. Peterson has appeared on numerous radio and television interviews including Canadian broadcast as a family and communications expert in the twelve part documentary "Baby's Best Chance". She is former clinical director of the Holistic Health Program at John F. Kennedy University in Northern California and adjunct faculty at the California Institute for Integral Studies in San Francisco. A national public speaker on women's issues and family development, Gayle Peterson practices psychotherapy in Oakland, California and Nevada City, California. She also offers an online certification training program in Prenatal Counseling and Birth Hypnosis. Gayle and is a wife, mother of two adult children and a proud grandmother of three lively boys and one sparkling granddaughter.
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