Healing From a Traumatic
Birth
QUESTION: My baby was born two weeks ago
and the experience was very scary. My baby's heartbeat stopped when
the cord prolapsed and wrapped around his neck. He was very blue and
the doctor and nurses just kept saying, "You have to push him out
NOW ... his heart has stopped." I felt so out of control and now the
doctors and nurses are dismissing the incident and acting as if it
didn't even happen. I can't seem to get this horrible experience out
of my mind. How can I deal with these feelings?
ANSWER: You are experiencing "flashbacks,"
which could be a result of post traumatic stress caused by your traumatic
childbirth. The dismissal of this event only makes matters worse.
It is important that you have the opportunity to process these feelings
as soon as possible. Doing so now will make any future pregnancies
less stressful.
Consider talking with a counselor who specializes
in postpartum adjustment. You may also benefit from talking with sympathetic
friends, who listen to your story, rather than try to negate it. Chapter
four in my book, "An
Easier Childbirth" discusses exercises to transform past trauma
in childbirth. Below is an adaptation of these steps, which you may
also consider in healing from the trauma of this event.
Retrieving the positive
Start by writing down (or speaking with someone) about
the ways your body did a good job. You pushed your baby out when you
needed to do so and your body cooperated on a deep biological level
for your baby to be born alive! Your body and your baby cooperated
with your birthing team, to triumph over danger. See if you can look
at your past experience from the perspective.
Reframe your experience, highlighting the aspects
of your past childbirth that can aid you in any future birth experiences.
In this case, acknowledging the power of your love to push your baby
out even with all the difficulties present, was a tremendously scary,
but very powerful act!
Self-acceptance visualization
Self-acceptance is the cure for feelings of self-blame
or other people's denial or rejection, which are so often a part of
a frightening childbirth experience. Reconnecting with your past "self"
can help. You will find new energy available as this lost part of
yourself finds it way home.
A friend or your partner can read the following exercise
to you, while you close your eyes and visualize. You may also choose
to read it into a tape recorder and play it back to yourself. You
may choose to read it through once, then slowly again as you take
time to visualize between sentences.
-
Take a few minutes to recall the
past childbirth. Remember the surroundings and sounds, the birthing
team telling you to push (knowing now full well that she would be
fine).
-
Imagine that you can take
an older and wiser you back to the side of your younger self
in labor. Visualize the older and
wiser you being there to comfort your younger self in your last
labor. Imagine you can hold her with all the love and compassion
you have ever given to anyone else. Give it to the younger you,
who at that time, unlike now, did not know things would be all
right. Speak directly to the younger self now, telling her it
will be fine, her baby will be alive and well and in her arms
soon! Tell her anything that she needed to hear back then, while
she pushed so hard with all of her strength and love.
See the younger "self" absorb the knowledge or whatever
else she needed then, and watch her change in some subtle,
but important way. See her absorb what she needs in order
to heal, to feel whole now.
-
With compassion, hold
the younger you. Comfort her. Then bring her back
with you, slowly, lovingly, through time. After you have
a sense of feeling whole, then bring yourself back to
the room and to your present surroundings. Take your time
to come back to your environment.
When feelings of being frightened, or overwhelmed by your
past experience persist, or they stop you from doing this
exercise, seek help from a qualified postpartum psychotherapist
to help you review and heal from this past childbirth.
Dealing with these feelings now, will allow you to relax
if you have another child.
Childbirth as opportunity for learning
Giving birth opens us to ourselves, our own resources,
as well as to new life. Maturity comes as we deal with difficulties
on life's path. Our personalities become more defined as we grow
and develop throughout life. Always, birth provides us with an opportunity
for learning.
Even in very difficult circumstances, we often have
more choices than we could have imagined. Ask yourself you learned
about yourself from your childbirth experience that opened you to
yourself, or life in a deeper way. Is there anything that is changing
for you now as you learn about yourself, as a new mother? For example:
Are you stronger than you thought, or more capable than you imagined?
Write down any new insights that come to mind, any thoughts, feelings
or reflections on your childbirth experience and what it has taught
you about yourself and your resources to handle life's adversities.
Visualize a positive birth
Imagine as fully as you can what it would have felt
like to have your baby come down and through your vagina, with a
strong heartbeat. You are pushing, your baby begins to crown, you
can feel a burning sensation as you pant and begin to stretch around
your baby's head. Here comes your baby, right out of your vagina,
born healthy and it rests quietly in your arms.
Give yourself the right to see this.like an alternate
movie in your mind. Imagining it can help you heal some of what
might have been hurting, but more importantly can give you a sense
of the normal process. Your body registers the sensation of what
you imagine deeply. It creates a memory tracing of your visualization.
In this way you are communicating to your body's consciousness your
desire to learn how to adjust and adapt to your next labor, (should
you want further children) which will likely be very different.
Integrating the power of this experience will help
ease your anxiety around future childbirth. Still, do not be alarmed
when your child's first birthday and a future pregnancy bring the
experience up again for review. It will be important to process
it as it arises each time. By doing so, you continue to integrate
and heal.
Never forget, that it is under pressure that coal
transforms into Diamonds. Life's difficulties, too, can bring us
jewels with time and focus. Take your birthing experience seriously.
Give yourself the opportunity to integrate the powerful feelings
that are the very nature of giving birth. Although the need for
women to integrate these feelings is unrecognized, you do not need
to undervalue your own experience and the power it holds for you.
You will not only regain a part of yourself, by attending to your
feelings about the birth, but likely benefit from the depth your
life experience offers. Healing from the trauma, will allow you
to retrieve the wonder of birth.
Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW, PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. She trains professionals in her prenatal counseling model and is the author of An Easier Childbirth, Birthing Normally and her latest book, Making Healthy Families. Her articles on family relationships appear in professional journals and she is an oft-quoted expert in popular magazines such as Woman's Day, Mothering and Parenting. . She also serves on the advisory board for Fit Pregnancy Magazine.
Dr. Gayle Peterson has written family columns for ParentsPlace.com, igrandparents.com, the Bay Area's Parents Press newspaper and the Sierra Foothill's Family Post. She has also hosted a live radio show, "Ask Dr. Gayle" on www.ivillage.com, answering questions on family relationships and parenting. Dr. Peterson has appeared on numerous radio and television interviews including Canadian broadcast as a family and communications expert in the twelve part documentary "Baby's Best Chance". She is former clinical director of the Holistic Health Program at John F. Kennedy University in Northern California and adjunct faculty at the California Institute for Integral Studies in San Francisco. A national public speaker on women's issues and family development, Gayle Peterson practices psychotherapy in Oakland, California and Nevada City, California. She also offers an online certification training program in Prenatal Counseling and Birth Hypnosis. Gayle and is a wife, mother of two adult children and a proud grandmother of three lively boys and one sparkling granddaughter.
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