QUESTION: I am in a dual-career marriage
with a son who is 10-1/2 months old. After we pick him up from day
care and return to the house, we struggle to make dinner. Sometimes
we pick up fast food, as I am too tired to cook, or my husband helps
out and makes dinner while I watch the baby. We argue almost every
evening. PLEASE HELP!
ANSWER: Don't make the mistake of feeling
inadequate because you cannot do it all. This is a setup for depression
and a formula for resentment in your marriage. You have agreed to
work outside the home. It's good that your husband is the type who
helps out around the home. That means he should be willing to do his
fair share in coming up with solutions to your problem.
Ask him for his suggestions on how you can eat healthily
together. Consider dividing up responsibility for researching professional
cooks and how much it would cost a few times a week. Or, could you
and your husband each make one dish on the weekend that could be frozen
and would last for a couple of days? Consider both possibilities as
well as ordering one day a week from a natural- foods restaurant.
All of these are options for supporting dual-career
families. The key to not being overwhelmed is the extent to which
you feel your husband is a part of your team rather than a sideline
critic. Don't solve the immediate situation by doing double duty,
because overwork will lead to burnout and further alienation from
your husband.
It is likely that much of your arguing is about loneliness
and missing each other. Carve out time to talk, to enjoy your child
and to recharge your batteries by spending quality time with each
other. Work to resolve your problems through teamwork -- this is an
opportunity to strengthen your bond by solving problems together,
not on your own, which can create a durable foundation for your family.
Superhuman feats are not the answer. Instead, lean even more on your
husband to lighten the load.
