QUESTION: I have been married for
two years to a wonderful man. He married me when my daughter was one,
and she adores him. The problem is that he can't talk about how he
feels. Not about anything -- even to tell me he is sick! I try to
get him to open up but to no avail. Lately he seems depressed, but
when I ask what is wrong he says nothing. Please help.
ANSWER: Your husband is shutting you
out emotionally -- no wonder you are upset. Let him know that you
are unhappy because you don't know what is going on. The greater his
silence, the more you drift apart and the more your fantasies of what
is wrong could damage your relationship.
Marriages often undergo a change after two years.
The honeymoon is over. Differences now surface. Clearly your husband
is unhappy, and so are you. If he won't talk about what is bothering
him, speak up. This is your marriage too, and it doesn't seem to be
evolving the way you wish.
Perhaps you are afraid to upset the apple cart, but
you cannot go deeper unless you are willing to address your conflicts.
You may be thankful for your husband's role in taking on a wife and
a baby. You may need to feel that you can be there for him the way
he has been there for you. Intimacy is a two-way street: Let him know
that you need to reciprocate and that he is blocking the development
of your marriage.
Conflict is inevitable, natural and healthy in any
relationship, so develop skills for communicating and resolving problems
instead of avoiding them. Marriages dissolve not because partners
fall out of love but because conflicts remain unresolved.
