QUESTION: I am interested in knowing
how to deal with my husband's interest in the chat rooms on the Internet.
My family seems to think it is harmless and they feel I should leave
him alone, but I feel very left out. As soon as he comes home from
work he is on the Internet and he doesn't come to bed until three
in the morning. I realize he needs friends and I don't want to take
this away from him. Please tell me how to deal with my feelings of
resentment.
ANSWER: Your husband is having an affair
with the Internet. No wonder you are upset! It is one thing to have
a hobby, but not coming to bed with you means it is a hobby that is
interfering with your marriage relationship.
It doesn't sound like these people are "friends" in
the usual definition of the word, which includes face-to-face interacting.
This may suggest problems with intimacy that could be at the heart
of your marriage difficulty. However, the person you are angry at
is your husband, not the chatters on the internet. Your jealousy is
understandable, as you believe they are getting more of him than you
are.
It is time to sit down with your husband and talk
with him about the priority you have in his life. It is likely that
the two of you do not have enough shared activities or interests together.
What is he sharing with others that you want or need more of? What
is the nature of your bond? What needs, emotionally and otherwise,
do you fill for one another?
You may find that you need to take time to get reacquainted.
The lack of time spent relating suggests that there has been a lot
of space between you for some time. This void may have been filled
by other interests, activities and people. This kind of situation
is often a precursor to marital affairs by either partner that can
lead to divorce. However, with or without a sexual affair, marriage
partners can drift apart, substituting other activities for intimate
relating in the marriage.
If you do not get anywhere talking about this with
him, or if the discussion reveals significant relationship dynamics,
attributable to shutting you out of his life in this way, suggest
marriage counseling. Consultation with a reputable marriage counselor
could help you both to get your marriage back on track.
