QUESTION: We have a yearly holiday
party at our home. Each year some people we invite drink too much
and the party becomes very uncomfortable for me and others attending.
What can we do this year to deal with this problem?
ANSWER: One symptom of alcoholism is
that it interferes with functioning in one or more areas of a person's
life. Clearly, the people you are concerned about ruining your party
have created a problem in their social sphere. It may be time to gently
but firmly let them know about it.
Like any negative behavior, unless the person gets
feedback, he or she may miss an opportunity to address the problem
before they alienate others. Consider that you are doing them, as
well as yourself, a favor by giving them feedback that their behavior
was out of line at last year's party. Although it may be uncomfortable
to do so, you may be surprised to find that your honesty is appreciated,
particularly if you let them know that you would very much like them
to be present this year, but that you do not want their behavior to
make others uncomfortable.
If talking with any of these people seems inappropriate
to you, consider the possibility of asking someone close to them to
give them feedback. If neither of these approaches are acceptable
to you, contemplate not inviting those people whose behavior is disruptive
to your party.
Your other alternative is to be willing to pull people
gently aside who become problematic, before they create high levels
of discomfort during the party itself. Simply ask them to refrain
from further drinking and call their attention to behavior that is
making others uncomfortable. Consider arranging for a safe taxi ride
home if they are unable to comply with your request.
Do not be shy to take charge of creating the kind
of holiday atmosphere you want at your party. After all, you are the
host. It is your responsibility to take the lead in setting the guidelines
for a safe and enjoyable holiday!
