QUESTION: I recently found condoms
in my 15-year-old son's room! His aunt thinks that I should confront
him, tell him that I do not approve of him having sex, and throw the
condoms away. I think that he will continue to have sex, and if that's
the case, I would rather that he be protected from becoming a teenage
father or getting a sexually transmitted disease. What do you think?
ANSWER: Your appreciation of the responsibility
that your son is taking in protecting his health and avoiding the
life-changing effects of unwanted fatherhood is not only a more realistic
approach, but a life preserving one. While it is true that your son
may interpret your silence as tacit approval, his aunt's suggestion
could be potentially harmful.
Perhaps he has acquired your own good "common sense"
in his approach to sexuality. Still, it might be beneficial to discuss
sex openly, rather than avoiding the topic altogether.
Discussing the nature of sexual involvement is is
just as important as the initial decision whether or not to have sex.
Commitment, as well as loving and caring for another person, may also
be a part of your talk about sexuality. Keep in mind that your son
might have questions which could be best be addressed in the father-son
relationship.
Minimally, it is advisable to open a discussion about
the fact that you have seen that he has condoms and would like to
discuss this with him. Let him know that he can come to you or his
father with questions about sex and relationships. If you disagree
with sexuality at this age, let him know your reasons, but stop short
of trying to control his behavior.
Your job as a parent is to discuss your views with
your adolescent and make yourself available for guidance as needed.
But, at some point, you must also recognize that he is a "beginning
adult" and will make his own decisions.
