QUESTION: I have a caregiver who helps
me look after the my 17-month-old baby while I coach my older sons
in their schoolwork.
I've discovered some funny bruises on my baby's
body once in a while. I have asked my caregiver, who has been with
us four months, about the bruises but she replied that she did not
know how they happened. I put it off as accidental bruises as my baby
tends to be active.
The caregiver has been with us four months and
my baby is not attached to her. He usually comes to me and does not
want to go to her when I need to spend time with my other kids. Is
this reluctance significant? How can I make sure this is not child
abuse?
ANSWER: You are right to be concerned
about your baby's reluctance to be with your caregiver. There are
many reasons why a child may show such reluctance, but after four
months with no signs of attachment it is time to change your caregiver
on that premise alone.
You are clearly uncomfortable with this person caring
for your child. Though the evidence you have does not indict your
caregiver of child abuse, it does suggest a caregiver that does not
report incidents to you which should be brought to your attention.
The fact that your caregiver is not able to account
for bruises on your child may mean that she is not supervising him
appropriately or hiding the fact that he is falling down alot when
under her care. His activity should be monitored closely enough that
she can tell you what might have caused bruising, even if she does
not know for sure.
All of your feelings point to distrust. So it is not
surprising that your child would not feel comfortable with this caregiver.
Your baby depends on your feelings of trust to feel secure and you
are not able to give your child this needed security.
Trust your instincts. Your caregiver does not have
to be abusive to be fired. Your uncomfortable feelings are enough.
