QUESTION: My three-month-old son
has hated his car seat from the day we drove him home from the hospital
-- so much that he cries till he spits up and I have to pull over.
My pediatrician says it is not motion sickness, but a little reflux
which occurs when he cries. He always wants to be held. We literally
cannot go anywhere.
ANSWER: You already are seeing your
son's unique personality. You are right to acknowledge his need to
be held. He will need special coaxing, however, so that your needs
are met, too.
Certainly you can arrange to lessen the amount of
time spent in the car with him, but you cannot be held hostage. You
must be able to do the shopping and other errands your family needs.
I assure you, this is not the first time I have heard
this distress call. Some babies hate being restricted in a car seat,
while others almost purr for a drive. Your son may also show other
specific preferences as he grows, some of which will likely even make
parenting easier instead of harder. The good news, as well as the
bad news, is that he is already a child with specific likes and dislikes.
So much for the "blank book" theory!
Begin a program of desensitization. Build positive
experiences around the car seat and driving in the car. You may want
to purchase some of the special products on the market for babies
that are made specifically designed for your child's visual development.
They are generally black and white, and are scientifically created
to engage the visual patterning of your baby. In the months ahead,
you will need to change these patterns, introducing some alterations,
such as color.
Play with these patterns, and any other kinds of visual
input that your baby enjoys. Babies develop through their sensory
channels (visual, hearing, touching) at different rates. You can encourage
his auditory and visual development as ways to calm him and to interest
him when he gets in his car seat. For example, if he responds to music
or singing, you could use this in the car. My grandson, who also hated
the car, calmed down when his mother sang to him while driving. (Assuming
this does not overly distract you, you may want to try it.)
You may also succeed at desensitizing your son by
putting him in the car seat at home for ten minutes at a time while
you engage him with the visual patterns, other toys, singing or music.
Do not be derailed by his initial protest. Instead, trust that by
singing or directing his attention toward his car toys, he will calm
down. Play with him for ten minutes, then take him out before he tires
of it. You will be teaching him that the car seat can be a fun, safe,
and at the very least, tolerable place. Simply the act of putting
him in, when you yourself are not under stress to go somewhere, will
allow him to accommodate.
Use your patience to develop these strategies at home.
Then, if you like, transfer them to the car, with your husband driving
and you sitting next to him diverting his attention to the visual
toys. Finally, begin taking short trips over his initial protests.
Give him his toys, all the time saying with as much conviction and
calm as you can muster, "You'll be okay. Mommy needs you to sit safely
in your seat while we drive to the store."
He will learn to accommodate you. And his ability
to adapt to your needs will increase as he grows. Eventually, your
son will learn that moms can be strong willed, too!
