QUESTION: Our ten-year-old son is
acting like a moody teenager. He switches back and forth from the
sweet kid we know to someone who gets embarrassed by his "un-cool"
parents fifteen minutes after we were the greatest. Is this normal?
I was not ready for this!
ANSWER: Your ten-year-old may be maturing
more quickly than you expected, but rest assured that his behavior
is well within normal range. Your son is no doubt practicing some
form of separating from his parents.
Though it is natural for you to initially feel rejected
by him, take solace in the fact that his rebellion now may indeed
pave the way for a tamer adolescence.
Although I cannot promise you that this early practicing
will result in an easier teenager, I have observed that children who
are allowed to practice in this way often strengthen their sense of
individuality which stands them in good stead for their teenage years.
The stronger your son's sense of identity by adolescence, the greater
his ability to resist unhealthy aspects of peer pressure at that time.
His ability to think and act independently will be an asset when dealing
with a less protected environment than he now enjoys.
Intense teenage rebellion is often fueled by suppression
of individuality in the family. Parents may repress a young child's
self-assertion and early efforts at individuality without realizing
it. Efforts to control are successful, so parents miss the opportunity
to encourage appropriate independence at earlier stages. When small
efforts have been squelched, the pressure to rebel in order to feel
separate intensifies with the emerging hormones of puberty.
Pat yourselves on the back for providing an atmosphere
that enables him to practice independence in small and gradual amounts
as he grows. Support him in making appropriate decisions for himself,
so he will feel in charge. This will prepare him for making decisions
in his own best interests when you are not always there to protect
him.
Your son's moodiness is likely an expression of his
ambivalence about becoming more independent. Remember the push and
pull of the two-year-old stage? Despite his changes from baby to little
boy, you were able to navigate your way through this period and stay
connected to your son. Parenthood is sometimes like a roller coaster.
You just get used to one stage, and the next curve is up ahead. Hang
on, here we go again!
