QUESTION: I have two boys, ages seven
and eight, who must share a bedroom. After I tuck them in at night,
one or both of them will start making excessive noise or talking just
to annoy the other one. Then I hear: "Mom, Jeffrey is bothering me"
or "Mom, Ryan is making noise and I can't go to sleep." They used
to go to bed just fine. Do you have any suggestions?
ANSWER: Your boys may be competing to
get your attention by creating rifts at bedtime, and/or they may be
having a difficult time getting to sleep after an active day. Your
situation may reflect a higher competitive energy between your two
boys because of the closeness in age, at a time when tiredness increases
irritability. Connecting with each one separately, in a quiet and
soothing manner, can create relaxation, which may motivate them towards
slumber instead of disruption.
First, try giving each of them 10 minutes of "listening"
time before going to bed. Ask each to share his day, or tell you anything
he wishes. Reflect back the important parts of his day, or simply
enjoy his willingness to share himself with you. This kind of review
at the end of a day can be very soothing for you, too, because it
serves to connect you to your child.
Your "day's review" with each son can contribute to
a psychological and physiological readiness for sleep. Your emotional
availability offers a release from the day's activities. Like snuggling
in a loved one's arms, family relationships generate relaxation, which
your children will learn to internalize over time. Your individual
attention can help them ease their way into the transitional realm
of sleep.
Secondly, ask each of them what helps him to fall
asleep. A gentle back rub, a short song or story can help them wind
down from a busy day. Tuck each one in and say "good night," leaving
them with a sense of calm. It is likely that if they are somewhat
relaxed by the time you leave their room, there will be less ambient
energy.
Perhaps helping them become drowsy will ensure that
your energetic little guys do not engage one another in releasing
tension from an active day!
