QUESTION: My four-year-old son
bathes with either me or his father. He is often in the same room
with us while we are getting dressed. At what age might parental nudity
be considered inappropriate?
ANSWER: Your naturally occurring nudity
is not a problem -- as long as you, your husband and child are comfortable
with it. In fact, it may easily convey an attitude that reduces shame
and increases comfort in your son's perception of his own body. A
healthy relationship to our bodies begins with liking ourselves and
acquiring knowledge about how our bodies work. A natural acceptance,
conveyed to our children, can promote their own positive self-image
and contributes to self-esteem and the development of healthy adult
sexuality.
The time for modesty evolves with the needs and comfort
levels of all family members. Certainly, by puberty, and usually pre-puberty,
a child's desire for privacy grows. They may even comment on being
uncomfortable with nudity in the parent of the opposite sex.
Sometimes, parents begin to feel uncomfortable with
nudity as their opposite sex child grows older. Individuals within
families must be accommodated with respect to each other,s privacy
needs as these feelings emerge. But certainly discussions about these
issues are wonderful opportunities to develop your own beliefs and
philosophy about nudity and how you decide to address it in your family.
Talk with your partner about the beliefs and attitudes
prevalent in your childhood families around nudity. Explore how your
respective parents handled this issue and the effects of this on your
own development. Talk with other parents to explore their attitudes
and beliefs. You might also read the information available at ParentsPlace.com
about sex education for young children. Then, continue to develop
your own approach to nudity in your family. You are already doing
a great job, but your questions indicate that it is time to further
develop a shared philosophy for child rearing with your partner.
From reading your letter, all family members appear
comfortable with the nudity involved in bathing together and dressing.
No inappropriate sexual boundaries are being crossed, and body education
is evolving naturally.
