QUESTION: I believe you should
start as soon as the child can walk, but my friend argues with me
about this, saying I'm trying way too early. When should potty training
begin?
ANSWER: Parenting cannot be learned
in a vacuum and you are right to ask and wonder about these questions.
One year (or sooner) is an average age for walking to begin. It is
not considered developmentally sound to attempt potty training at
this time for at least two important reasons.
First, your one year old is too young to consistently
be aware of, much less control his or her bodily functions. She or
he is too busy mastering the voluntary muscles involved in walking
to even consider the nuances of controlling involuntary processes.
It would be overloading your toddler's system to introduce an additional
developmental challenge, especially one that he or she cannot be successful
at achieving. This could cause delays in other areas of development
that are primed for this time.
Secondly, an expectation to perform (even mildly)
on the potty at this period in development could result in feelings
of failure, inadequacy or general stress associated with toilet training.
Early pressure could thwart the emotional sense of pride that coincides
with successful toilet training later. Your child could miss out on
the sense of mastery which is such a critical part of this developmental
milestone when it occurs at the appropriate time.
Keep in mind that physical and emotional development
are mutually occurring and influence each other. Natural stages of
emotional and physical mastery build on each other and are best experienced
sequentially in the naturally occurring readiness of the child. The
natural period of time that consistent interest in toilet training
occurs is usually between two and three years of age.
It is at this age that children have already mastered
some sense of accomplishment from being able to successfully manipulate
their environment in many ways. They can go get a toy for themselves,
reach out to pet a cat, pull a book off a shelf, build a tower and
use language to get what they want in the world. It is from this cumulative
experience that the emergence of a separate, "confident" self emerges
to master toilet training.
Self-regulation is a huge and prideful achievement
because the child is aware of the accomplishment. Early toilet training
often results in regression later on, which the child may experience
as a sense of shame or failure, rather than pride and confidence.
Playing with the potty or observing others on the
potty may prove interesting at one year of age. It may even serve
as a kind of preparation for later toilet training, but it will not
result in successful control of the release of complex sphincter muscles
which are largely involuntary.
I am certain that your child will help you learn these
things in a more concrete fashion than is explained here. Rest assured
that parenting is not only instinctive, but learned from the feedback
your child provides. No doubt the experience of motherhood itself
will be your best teacher in helping you stay on track.
