QUESTION: My two-year-old doesn't
use her pacifier much during the day, but fusses and will not go to
sleep without it at night. When should I take the pacifier away?
ANSWER: The need to suck remains prominent
at this age, even if your child does not use a bottle or nurse any
longer. Sucking provides emotional soothing, as do other things like
a favorite teddy bear (or the famous "security" blanket carried around
by the Linus cartoon character).
A pacifier, like other toys or blankets that soothe,
is called a "transitional object." This means that your child has
transferred the emotional meaning of your love and security to an
object that helps the toddler separate and act more independently.
Two is an age of growing independence, but with much
conflict and need for reassurance in the process. It is likely that
your daughter sucks the pacifier as a response to the anxiety she
experiences as she separates from you for the night. Sucking provides
extra soothing (reminiscent of being held and fed) that she may not
be ready to give up as yet.
See her attachment to her pacifier at bedtime as a
way of reliving the experience of nurturance at your breast (if she
was breastfed) or in your arms (with a bottle). She is practicing
soothing herself. I suggest you allow her all the time she needs to
internalize this feeling. It is extremely likely that she will simply
give it up on her own when she is ready.
And, really, is there any rush? One of the most significant
tools for navigating life successfully will be your child's ability
to calm and soothe herself in the future. Support her to develop this
ability in herself now and she will be more confident and secure in
coping with life's ups and downs later.
