QUESTION: I have a two-year-old
son and I baby-sit for a two-year-old girl. They fight constantly.
My son is bigger than the little girl and he is usually starts the
fight. I've been trying to use time-outs, but it isn't working very
well. What can I do?
ANSWER: It appears that your two-year-old
son is feeling jealous of your attention to the little girl you are
baby-sitting. He does not yet seem ready to share your attention.
At least not with another two-year-old!
Consider whether the amount of time that you baby-sit
can be reduced, or whether it would be better to baby-sit a child
a bit older. It is possible that he will feel less competitive with
an older child he can learn from, such as a three-year-old. He could
still be your baby and the child you baby-sit would be a bit less
needy than a two-year-old.Hopefully an interest in one another, instead
of competition, could develop.
Two years of age is one of the potentially most difficult
and trying periods of early childhood development. Frustration levels
are often high for both parent and child. Your toddler's conflicting
needs for independence and dependence may mean that he will challenge
the rules, and you will find that limit setting is a repetitive process.
And you are dealing with not one, but two, toddlers going through
this phase of development simultaneously. Perhaps if you were not
the mother of one of them, it would be doable! For your child, his
relationship to you can be expressed in somewhat territorial terms
at this age, making your dual relationship of work and parenting particularly
difficult.
Keep in mind that a child's attention span at this
age is often very short, creating added demands for entertainment.
The constant fighting could also be a sign that you need to provide
greater positive stimulation for these two. If you do decide to continue
to make it work, try setting up more structured situations which involve
active participation, such as hand painting projects, trips to the
zoo and cooking activities for lunch. Also, be sure you are spending
quality time with your son outside of your "work hours."
If you are already doing these things, then you will
have to consider whether this particular situation is a good match
for your son's development. After all, he is your child, and you do
not want to make him feel that he does not come first. The little
girl you are baby-sitting also deserves the best care, and a less
agitated atmosphere may be in her best interest.
