QUESTION: My husband and I have decided
to take a seven day cruise without our kids. I have made excellent
arrangements with relatives, so I know they will be fine. Although
I know it will be good for our marriage, how do I cope with the guilt
of leaving my two-year-old and four-year-old at home?
ANSWER: Your marriage is the foundation
of your family. It sounds as if it has been four years since the two
of you have done anything like this together. The good news is that
you are taking care of your marital relationship. You can rest assured
that your children will benefit!
Your children's sense of well-being depends on a strong
marital bond. All too often, parents neglect their marriage, only
to discover that one day, they have drifted too far apart to come
back together. Nurturing the relationship with your husband means
that you will both return with renewed energy for each other as well
as for the children.
In addition, the children have an important opportunity
to establish a bond with their relatives during your absence. Having
other adults, in addition to the parents, that the children can rely
upon will result in a greater sense of security through an extended
family network.
Also, leaving your children with the relatives may
help them to rely on one another. Your children will experience comfort
from the familiarity of their respective siblings. Although you may
not have felt comfortable leaving your first child at two years of
age, it is not uncommon for parents to feel greater security in leaving
their children together. Like kittens in a litter, they will generate
family warmth with each other.
Provide your children with family pictures and explain
where you will be going. You can also hang a calendar with the seven
days marked off to show where you will be each day and when you will
be coming back. This will help them deal with your absence and develop
trust in the fact that mommy and daddy will be returning home. When
you do come back, bring them something small but special.
If you are still nervous, you can arrange to check
in with your relatives every day. You will no doubt miss them and
they will miss you. But it is also true that, like yourselves, they
will have some great stories to share with the two of you!
