Women remain the major caretakers for young children.
Perhaps this is why it is more common to see boys dress up as girls,
than girls as boys. Do not charge your son's behavior with anxious
interpretations. He is not "obsessed". He is playing!
It is common for three-year-old boys to adopt
a role for a period of time, calling themselves "Batman" , "Robin"
or even "Cinderella" whether or not they are wearing the costume.
Pretending to be the opposite sex is not a sign of gender confusion.
It is more likely to be a part of the process of finding their identity
by trying on different qualities represented by the roles they play.
Cinderella could engender the qualities of kindness
or nurturing or simply an identification with being "good."
Identification with the feminine can add to a boy's growing identity.
But preschoolers must try these identities on in a concrete manner.
That is what their play is all about.
Consider, too, that your son's personality may
not fit into the stereotypical cowboy or power ranger. We must
be careful to accept a full range of attributes for boys, including
softness and nurturing, if we are not to fall into the trap of what
William Pollack in his book, "Real Boys" calls the "boy code." Putting
our sons in a gender straitjacket can suppress emotions and stimulate
violence as the only acceptable male expression for feelings.
The "Cinderella" fairy tale also includes the
theme of rescue and protection against evil so common at this
stage of development. Rescue themes help children work through the
ever-present reality that , as small children, they are vulnerable.
Playing out the characters of these fairy tales can help a child
work through fears, whether it is a wicked witch or an evil stepmother
who is defeated. And who wouldn't want to clop around in those pretty
glass slippers for awhile?
Self directed play helps your child build his
identity and work through everyday anxieties. Suppressing his
needs in this regard will likely result in shame, rather than mastery.
Accept and support your son's play. Allow him to incorporate what
he needs from this Cinderella period.
You are an important person in his life. Keep
in mind that your approval of him will contribute to his sense of
pride, while your disapproval is likely to undermine his self confidence.
Remember, this is only PLAY!
