QUESTION: What advice do you have
for a couple raising their children knowing two religions -- Jewish
and Catholic -- especially during the holiday season?
ANSWER: There is no better
time to teach children the value of various religious practice and philosophy
than during the holidays! And many interfaith families do, in fact,
ascribe to dual or integrated celebrations.
The Jewish celebration of Chanukah and the Christmas
holiday can be experienced side by side. Many interfaith families
light the Chanukah candles, reading the story of the Macabees who
survived against great odds. Children learn the qualities of faith,
love, goodwill and overcoming incredible odds through this story.
In some interfaith homes Christmas decorations of baby Jesus reside
across the room. Stories of Jesus' birth teach that the values of
love and worthiness lie within. Though born in poverty in a manger
of animals, Jesus is recognized as a great spirit. His story, too
is one of victimization transformed through the spirituality of faith
and love.
But we must never forget that children learn the
values of integrity from their family and the examples of the good
deeds of people around them. Religious training of any kind does not
ensure the development of good character in our children. It can only
reinforce the values and spirit found in the family and the living
examples present in a child's intimate community. And religious training
without parental interpretation can sometimes be experienced as a
negative force. Afterall, history is replete with the use of religion
as an oppressive force in people's lives. So, families who blend different
faiths may be at an advantage in having to take a more-conscious approach
than one-faith families do in choosing what role they want religion
to play in their children's lives, rather than leaving it to chance
or to outside religious authorities.
Choose from the celebrations and rituals of each
of your respective religions to support your own family values. Naturally,
you will be faced with choices, and perhaps limitations of time (and
money!), in pursuing serious religious training. It would be difficult
to have full out traditional training and celebration for all of your
children's catholic confirmations, including catechism training, and
bar or bah mitzvahs with full Hebrew school AND academic and social
life to boot! You will, no doubt, need to focus on "knowledge" of
religious views rather than religious "training." Customize an integrated
religious approach that does not overwhelm you or your children. Much
will be decided by your own childhood backgrounds and the extent to
which you were involved in and enjoyed or suffered through your own
religious rituals!
Talk with your spouse about the meaning that your
religion holds for you and what you would like to impart to your children.
Share experiences and create a working plan for raising your children
with an integration of your two faiths that supports the values and
qualities you want to impart to them as parents. Be flexible and open
to support whatever paths your children may choose. Your children
can benefit from the joy and knowledge that each of you brings to
your own faith.
Use the holidays to discover the celebrations of
the other! Holiday rituals are a great framework for introducing yourselves
to one another's religion, and "trying on" something new. By doing
so, you may discover what particular rituals you want to keep over
the years, and develop your own ongoing plan for religious education
in the family.
Explore each others' worlds and have a fun and loving
time doing so. And have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy Chanukah!
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