QUESTION: I'm a nursing mom with a
nine-month-old daughter. Since I've been breastfeeding, I feel extremely
uncomfortable with my husband including my breasts in sexual play.
I'm wondering if other women have had this problem and if my feelings
will change once I wean my daughter.
ANSWER: For the first time you are integrating
motherhood with your identity as a woman. Unfortunately, our cultural
programming often denies that mothers are sexual beings. No wonder
it is a stretch to integrate being a new mother with the sensuality
of breastfeeding and the sexuality of lovemaking. Not only are your
feelings understandable, but your conflicting emotions about your
relationship to your body and sexuality is common to the postpartum
period, whether you breastfeed or not!
It may be useful to know that the same hormone, oxytocin,
is released when you experience a "let down" reflex for breastfeeding
as when you have an orgasm. It is also the same hormone released in
labor to stimulate contractions of the uterus. Some women do in fact
enjoy the sensuality of nursing their baby without confusing sexual
signals with maternal signals. But this differentiation can understandably
take some time to develop!
It is likely that you are right in believing that
you will feel less conflicted about enjoying your breasts during lovemaking
when you are no longer breastfeeding. It may also be possible now
for you to begin to allow yourself the pleasure of the increased sensitivity
that breastfeeding can provide. This can enhance your own pleasures
in lovemaking, as well as your nursing experience.
They are your breasts after all. Allow yourself to
visualize the possibility of enjoying your breasts sexually when making
love with your husband and, quite separately, imagine the comfort
and maternal pleasure you experience when feeding your daughter. These
are separate, though physiologically related activities. After all,
your child was conceived through the sexual act itself. Perhaps your
body is designed to enjoy both!
There is a natural sensuality inherent in both breastfeeding
and sex, but expressed in very different ways. You can use your tongue
to talk and communicate with many people and you can use it to passionately
kiss your husband. It really is up to you. Do not push yourself beyond
your own limits of comfort, but gently explore the issue to see if
any guilt about sex (after becoming a mother) might be keeping you
from enjoying your own sexual expression as a woman.
