QUESTION: Our old cat will need to be
put "put to sleep" soon. We'll be moving a month later. How do I explain
the cat's death to my son, who will be 22 months old? I am especially
concerned with him equating the move and her disappearance.
ANSWER: You are right to be concerned
about the association of loss of an important pet in the family with
your upcoming move. However, one month is a very long time to a child
of this age. It is possible to deal with saying good-bye to his special
pet in the month before you change residence. If possible, lengthen
the period of time between the two transitions. Even a couple of weeks
more will provide a much larger perceived time separation for your
toddler.
Begin talking to your child about the fact that his
kitty is very sick. Read him a story about pet loss appropriate to
his age. Although he will not completely understand the concept of
death, he will begin talking about it, if you do. This will help him
grieve his pet later.
When the time approaches, perhaps a few days before,
let your son know that you will be having a ritual for saying good-bye
to his cat because she will be dying. Emphasize then, and before,
that she has lived a long life before he was born and she has lived
a long time in cat years. Again, he will not completely comprehend
what you are saying, but he will likely repeat the story you tell
him about this transition. It will comfort him because he trusts you.
Plant some flowers -- as a ritual -- and put a picture
of the cat up on the refrigerator for a few days after her death,
if you like. This way he will be able to point to and see the picture
when his cat is gone, which will create a psychological step between
interacting with his pet and her disappearance. In the same vein,
it would be a good idea to help him begin separating from his cat
gradually by letting him know that she is too sick to sleep with him
and maybe even taking the feedings into your own hands while he helps.
We all deal with big transitions better when we are
able to take smaller steps to ease adjustment.
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